If You Give a Troll a Pointless Fixation…

Okay, Internet, you win. I quit. I’ve weathered lots of ridiculous collective fixations on things that are not nearly as important or interesting as just about anything else that’s happening in the world, but I am done with Dinergeddon. DONE. STOP IT. STOP TALKING ABOUT IT.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. We all love an excuse to morally lynch people who were participants in events we didn’t get to witness in person. And folks who don’t know the value of a good “no comment” sure as heck feed the fire. In this case, the fire is heating up a battleground between people with kids (we have the right to eat wherever we want and those soulless people with no children can’t say boo to us!) and people without kids (we have the right to not be accosted with the noise and stickiness of children and their inconsiderate parents who accuse us of having meaningless lives without knowing us!). It’s the dining equivalent of the Kobayashi Maru: there just isn’t a right answer. So this is what I have to say to you people who keep clogging up my normally interesting news channels with this combative pettiness…

Seriously. Being a person is hard. It’s hard to cope with aggravation, it’s hard to manage the aggravation of kids. It can be hard to cope with the fact that you’re a grown person stuck in the company of squawking, pre-lingual delivery vectors for some truly foul bodily fluids for an obscene amount of time. It can be hard to be confronted by a stridently vocal reminder that you don’t, for any number of reasons, participate in a ubiquitous piece of the human experience that is defined by rearing your progeny. And it can be especially hard to be a kid with no autonomy to walk away from whatever’s making you upset, which includes (but is not limited to) adults and their bizarre ability to skip second breakfast and naptime and elevenses and second naptime. (How we grown-ups all routinely make it from breakfast to lunch with no naps and maybe one snack at most? Now that’s a topic worth jawing around.) So let’s just agree that we could all use a little compassion, okay? And maybe either find a new bone to chew to blood-drawing shards or keep the chewing habits confined to private circles where they stand half a chance of being productive towards positive change.

I am begging you.

Just in case you’re soundly hung up on this thing and need a little inspiration to move yourself on down the road, here’s some fresh conversational fodder:

Science shows a potential link of ancestry between indigenous Australians and folks in the Brazilian Amazon, which turns out to have some fascinating possible implications.

Donald Trump involuntarily plays “Who wore it better?” with a bunch of random internet photos.

The American embassy is open in Cuba…which is fantastic, even if casual tourism isn’t quite open for Americans yet.

Amy Schumer plays a lovable jerk in Trainwreck which, for those of you who don’t pay attention to all the gender equality conversations, is cool.

And I’ll let this speak for itself:

This is, literally, the quickest possible skim of other things happening on the internet right now. I’m not even trying or delving into the tough and ugly stuff that’s hard to confront, and look what I found! Things that are way more useful and interesting conversation starters than Pointless Judgefest XVII: Marcy’s vs. the Toddler. More reading suggestions welcome. :)

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