As I’ve been working diligently on the research process for self-publishing a book, I’ve come to some realizations about why my blog is not a wildly popular… I don’t have a superblogger identity.
I mean, think about it. The Bloggess. Budget-Savvy Diva. Scary Mommy.
I’m actually failing utterly to come up with others at the moment, but I know they’re out there, and I’m pretty sure that their superblogger names are why they’re more successful than I am. I’m also assuming they’re more successful than I am because I read them for work, but maybe that’s not true…
You doubters may think that my lack of popularity has more to do with the fact that my blog is primarily drivel about my life that even my husband won’t read. (Can’t argue a distaste for instant playback here either–if you ever been to a beach with him and his camera, you know what I mean. Me: “What do you mean you can’t take anymore pictures of our honeymoon? How is your memory card full already?” John: “You should see these pictures of waves! They’re so cool. It’s like they’re moving back and forth. Back and forth.” Me: “Yes. Waves do that. In fact, I can still see them doing that.” John: “I also have a cool shot of the translucent outhouse roof?” True story.)
I also call you out on the drivel point by noting that there are people who have gotten attention for writing drivel about their life. I will allow that my drivel might not be entirely exciting…but I can just see how my attempts to thwart that would go.
John: (Stares aghast at a yard full of giant metal chickens led by a supergiant metal chicken ridden by a lifesize wax figurine of Nathan Fillion holding twine, because what else would you use to make reigns and a bridle to help a wax figurine keep its seat on a giant metal chicken? He is now afraid to cross the driveway because it sets off a motion-detector that triggers a patched-together recording…)
Me: (Runs across the driveway gleefully for the tenth time in the last three minutes.)
Nathan Fillion Wax Figure: We’re holding this valley, no matter what, motherfuckers!*
Me: (Shouts from across the driveway) It’s not my fault. I had to one-up the Bloggess to make the internet love me. Don’t blame me for where she set the bar.
*This whole scenario is hilarious and non-offensive if you’re a fan of both Firefly and the Bloggess, I swear. If you’re not, my heart grieves for the dark hole in your life where those things should be.
You could also point out that I don’t post with anything resembling regularity anymore and that when I do, it’s full of lots and lots of boring words and no pictures, to which I say…what’s the matter with kids these days? (In full Broadway voice, cue jazz hands) So, in short, the only thing I can do to gain more popularity (so that I will eventually have an army of web-crawlers to buy and promote my book–let it be said that I don’t actually care if anyone likes me as long as they buy or promote my book when I publish it :) that requires basically no additional work or fundamental change in my blog is to come up with a superblogger name.
So, I submit to you my first round of ideas. Votes, alterations, and better ideas are all welcome. So is mockery, but only if you promise to buy my book when it’s available. :)
- The Wordsmith
- The Bardess (Rips off Shakespeare AND the Bloggess…how could I go wrong, right?)
- The Drivel Mistress
- Queen of Lightning (Bugs?)
- The Wordist
- Buzzerina (there is a TNQDE post in that one, friends)
- Smartass (I think that’s my dwarf name, actually)
- Your Craziness
Clearly, I need some help here. Either that, or better superpowers.
In keeping with my blog branding, I think I’ve nailed down my name. You may all feel free to call me THE LIGHTNING.
Any time now….
No takers? Ah well.