I may have mentioned before that I don’t handle transition well. Change: it’s scary. It’s unsettling.
John and I just went through a MAJOR transition. We moved back to Maine. We’re selling John’s car (2005 Saturn Ion, Standard, 60,000 miles and in great condition if anyone wants to make an offer…) to become a one-car family because we live within easy walking distance of my job and John is working from home. Oh yeah…we’re also both working 25 hours a week and making more than we did in Massachusetts with a lower cost of living, which means we are (for the time being) partially retired. I can walk to my best friend’s house easily, my youngest sister lives only 20 minutes away, and our parents live less than two hours away. Our apartment is beautiful, and we’re in a position to start seriously looking for a house to buy.
This is all very, very good, right? Of course right.
So why does change still feel so sucky?
I mean, I can identify the small things. Moving is tough. Dealing with car registration in a new state is a pain in the rump, but okay in Maine, because I know how to handle myself with the BMV, thank you very much. Weevil infestations that come with renting in old building that clearly needs to be cleaned more deeply are skin-crawling. Living in a small apartment with a spouse who is home most of the time is an adjustment. Transitioning from “We socialize on long holiday weekends only” to “We socialize several days each week” is weirdly exhausting, especially for introverts like John and I, though it’s a good kind of exhaustion.
And there are so many positive things. We have time on our hands, which means we’re not feeling deprived of time if we go to bed early enough to get up at six in the morning to go for a run. We have time to get fit together. Transitions like this are also a good time to trick yourself into thinking you’ve always eaten better, so we’re doing well on our most recent “eat better” challenge. We both have ample time to work on our creative projects…which is why you should be seeing more of my blog again, lucky you. Our apartment has better sunlight. I have sunny space to grow my plants outside of my car. I can start biking again. There are so many farmers’ markets it’s insane. I have connections to people who are connected to the crafty world of Portland. I have many friends nearby for the first time in three years.
Change is apparently still a challenge for me even under these absurdly positive circumstances, however, because I find myself struggling to shake a chronic case of the grumps.
Someone give me a solid kick in the pants so I can move on and feel settled, would you?