Sir John & the Arachnid

When John and I were dating, we lived almost an hour away from each other, so one of the primary ways we got to know each other was through long phone calls. After one particularly long day of translating Greek and Latin and coding data from my thesis experiment, I was looking forward to a nice, relaxing talk with my fella. The voice on the other end of the phone, however, was a little bit manic.

John: “Check your email. I just sent you a picture of this spider. You would not believe how big it is!”

Me: “Okay…” (checks email)

Me: “…”

This spider was the instigation for what has become one of the epic tales of our lives. John saw the spider on the outside of his screen as he was making dinner one night and was too creeped out to let it continue in peaceful existence near him. He didn’t want to open the screen, however, and chance letting it into the apartment, so he bent his very creative brain to the task of killing the spider through the screen.

When pins and needles failed to reach the oblivious arachnid (to this day, I really don’t know why he had such seamstress notions in his bachelor pad), he scoured his apartment for objects skinny enough to fit through the holes in the screen and stiff enough to do some serious harm to his little foe. He eventually lit on a brilliant idea: skewer the spider with uncooked spaghetti.

Just let that image sink in for a second. Yeah…there you go. Now, add in my husband’s obsessively perfectionist approach to projects, and what you get is a college graduate with an architecture degree spending who knows how long sharpening spaghetti noodles to a fine point with sandpaper. Several of them, in case any should break…

The long and short of it is that spiders are pretty nimble creatures, and this one had plenty of space to mockingly escape into from the powerful blows John landed with his spaghetti-lance. We were always slightly concerned that the spider had gone off to find a way into the apartment in order to exact its revenge, but we never saw it after he scared it off.

The image of John battling a spider with spaghetti has always been very vivid in my mind, however, and yesterday I finally got around to sketching a silly little comic of how I have always envisioned this event…
Sir John & the Arachnid

My husband is a spider-slaying hero.

2 thoughts on “Sir John & the Arachnid

  1. As I said before, you guys are weird. To think you had a chance to escape from this lunatic but you ended up marrying him anyway? It is no wonder you get along so well. You are both alike:)


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